Tuesday, April 15, 2008

100 Yards of Horror!

Illustration by my good and very Sensitive Friend Shawn McManus.
I headed back from the convenience store through the forest. I could see them lurking in the bushes. Who were they? My imagination began to expand. The Mobile, Alabama Leprecaun was descending from his tree and coming after me. Yee-OW! I tried to go faster, but the gout sent pain radiating through my legs. Now they huddled back into the shadows behind the trees. Were they wearing propellor beanies, or did I imagine that? Could it be... yes, no... gremlins? I was piloting a P-40 for Lt. General Chennault and the Flying Tigers, yes, World War II Flying Tigers, that's the ticket, and the gremlins were on the wing, oh my God, no, NOOOOOooooooo! Get a grip, man. Now they emerged from the shadows... and I saw... that they were only children. Kids holding rocks and branches and metal objects. Batteries? They took aim and began throwing. I wanted to run but I could not. I pulled the hood over my head and continued walking as the hurled objects whizzed past. Only 100 more yards to the house. Could I make it? I limped... only ten feet to the door and safety. Hand on doorknob. Home at last!

You no what? "Troubles don't melt like lemon drops! Little Bastards!


pablow peecaso (art critic) said...

the story about your adventure in the forest is quite compelling but let's talk about the accompanying drawing that illustrates your story. what art school did the monkey that drew that picture hail from? whatever scool it was should have their accreditation revoked! this picture looks like it was done in five seconds! and the lettering looks like it was done with a toilet brush! ...and don't even get me started on that poo brown color! oofah!!!

pablow peecaso (art critic) said...

also,...if i were the delusional poor sap who ruined this otherwise perfectly good piece of blank paper, i wouldn't have signed it either.

Jim said...

Now Mr. Pablow, Be nice, he's a good friend of mine, you are being a bit nasty, He might look a little like a monkey, there's know reason to rub It in, please, he's old, gray, Irish and very sensitive.